Tuesday, August 15, 2017

2017 WRITE: Black Friday was Tuesday, July 11, in 2017. And Bob kept up with the times

Black Friday was Tuesday, July 11, in 2017.  
And Bob kept up with the times
Updated 11/23/2018
I do a little comedy at Lauren's place on Tuesday nights.  And I meet with the Hypergrid Writer's Colony every Monday night.  So I thought to do a little on the overlap.  Here is a humorous article that I presented at Lauren's place and presented as my current work at a meeting of the Hypergrid Writer's Colony.  

Writers meet at Nara's nook

    Black Friday was Tuesday, July 11, in 2017.  And Bob kept up with the times

    The real Black Friday was held on Tuesday, July 11, in 2017.  And it was called Amazon Prime Day.

    That's how much things have been changed by the internet.  Black Friday used to come in the winter.  And it always came on Friday.  Now it comes in midsummer, on whatever day Amazon wants it to.  

    But it is lots worse than that.  Amazon prime day has 30 hours.  Only Amazon could cram 30 hours into a single day.  Now Amazon gives you a 25% bonus in time on Amazon prime day. More time for shopping, of course.  

    Black Friday isn't going away, at least not this year.  The stores that are left will no doubt hold Black Friday sales.  The reason it is called Black Friday is that it used to be the day that the department stores sold their way into the black.  I am guessing that for most of them it will really be Red Friday.  

    Calling it Black Friday is okay with me, though.  I have been in virtual reality worlds for years. I am comfortable with imaginary ideas. 

    I was thinking, though, that people will miss all the excitement that used to be part of Black Friday.   So I called up my really conventional friend to ask him how the shift to Amazon Prime Day was affecting him. 

    "Well," he said, "not a whole lot. We're keeping to the Black Friday traditions."

    "But will the stores be offering the required door-buster sales?" I asked.

    Bob: "Oh, no.  Amazon is. They're on the computer, so we put up the tent in the living room, right next to the computer.  We've been camped there for the last three days to keep our place in line.  The television news people came by and got some video." 

    Selby: But there isn't any line at your house.

    Bob:  Not usually, but we got some of the neighbor kids to toast marshmallows in the fireplace.  And the newsmen brought a dozen people who just wanted to be on television. We had a line stringing way out the door.   What some people will do to get on television!

    Selby:  Did the newsmen interview you?  

    Bob: Sure.  They weren't going to.  They were going to interview a lady they brought,  She was pretty and was holding a baby.  They said she was camera ready and I wasn't.  I told 'em it was my house, not theirs.  So they brought in their make-up guy and he fixed me up with a wig and a coat and some lipstick.  They did get a shot of the lady with the baby, though.  A good close-up, where you could see her cleavage.  I could see what they meant by camera ready.  

    Selby:  Lipstick!  You let them put lipstick on you?  Weren't you worried about how that would look to the guys at the bar? 

    Bob: You mean make me look like a fag?  Actually, I was so busy thinking about what I would say on television, I didn't think about it.  But me with hair and a coat, the guys at the bar won't recognize me anyway.   

    Selby:  What did you tell them in the interview?  What was the most important thing you were waiting to buy?

    Bob: An eighty inch teevee for eighty dollars. 

    Selby:  But you don't need another of those.  You already have two.

    Bob:  I've already got three.  Been buyin' one every year.  Always on Black Friday sales.  I don't really need 'em, but I save so much money that way.  I already saved close to nine hundred dollars on the teevees I bought.  I figure this year I'll save another four hundred.  

    Selby:  Where will you put the new television?  You've already got them all over the house.

    Bob:  In the bathroom.  For when I get constipated.  You know, I can't get the newspaper delivered here anymore  The main ones went out of business.   So I got nothing to read.  I can still get the chocolate Ex Lax though.  From Amazon, of course.  If they have them on sale on Prime Day, I'll stock up.  

    Selby:  Will you be shopping also on Black Friday this year?  

    Bob: No, I'm quitting that old day cold turkey.  Can't be living in the past, you know.


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