2013 TKR: The kryptonite watcher's guide to self-sabotage

Kryptonite watcher's guide to self-sabotage

Can't is the most obscene 4-letter word in life! 

• Self-sabotage? 
• Can that be real?  
• Why would people sabotage their own efforts?  
• See for yourself.     

Can't is the earthly equivalent of kryptonite (that fictional substance that robs Superman of his superhuman powers).  But Can't is not fictional.   It will rob you of your powers if you let it.   Here I have collected some tips to develop your detection skills for the human kind of kryptonite.  

You may want 

• to expect little from people who practice self-sabotage.
• to help someone escape self-sabotage.
• to check your thinking for self-sabotage.

Below: 

• How to look for self-sabotage in other people. 
• Not how to do it.  
• People don't need help on how to do it.   
• Just how to recognize it. 
• You can figure out what to do next.
• Unless you think you can't

-
Quick checklist to know that someone (XXX) is not going to solve the problem
They talk about:

• What is wrong
• How bad it is
• Who is to blame
• What somebody should do to fix things
• Why XXX can't fix it

• Look over these kryptonite samples below.  
• Do people do these things to other people?
• Do people do these things to you?
• Do you do these things to other people?
• Do you do these things to yourself?

I can't do that, underconfidence

• It won’t work.  
• I can’t do that.   
• It’s impossible.  

Antidotes

• Can you believe these claims? 
• Would this be impossible if somebody else tried it? 
•  If I can't, who could?
•  If they can, why can’t I?
• What is their secret?  

Accepting the invisible authority

• I should do this
• I should not do that 

Antidotes

• Who is in charge of what you should do?
• How does that authority get the message to you?
• How does that authority get to be in charge of you?
• Did you get a second opinion? 

Waiting for them 

• They should....
• They ought to...

Antidotes

• Do you use they instead of I?
• Can you get them to do it?
• Are they going to do it on their own?  Soon?
• Are they waiting for you to get it started?
• What could you do to get them started?
• Remember, to everyone else, you are among the they

I don't know what to do 
Antidotes

• Does anybody know?
• Can you ask them? 
• What do other people do?
• Search Google for the main words. See what you find.

Who's to blame? The childhood game 

• It's not my fault
• Johnny made me do it
• Nobody told me what to do

Antidotes

• Will fixing the blame fix the problem?
• What will fix the problem?  Can you do that yourself?
• "The one who can laugh when all goes wrong...
• Has just thought of someone else to blame it on."

Scheduling for someday  

• Someday I'm going to...

Antidotes

• When will you start?  
• Why not start today?
• The Startalittles versus the Putitovs
• When will you finish?
• How will you know when you are finished?
• Quick Quotes about setting goals 

Focus on the problem instead of the solution

• The Deer-in-the-Headlight Model for Problem-Solving

*****

• What do we do in Virtual Worlds? 
• Search on page with Google Chrome: Ctrl+f, search bar upper right 
• Google search this blog, column on right
• or put site:virtualoutworlding.blogspot.com at the end of the search terms
• What is Second Life?
• Annotated screen shots made with Jing
• Creative Commons License, attribution only.
• Second Life, Linden, SLurl, and SL are trademarks of Linden Research Inc.
• This blog is not affiliated with Second Life or anything else.  
• Ads are  from Google

• Drop by my place in Second life
• Location Link. Click to go or drag to the viewer screen:
• http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Cookie/136/100/22
• Feel free to send me an IM, notecard, or friend request.
• Thinkerer Melville/Selby Evans