The Tortoise and The Hare, modernized
Self-help--Thinkerer
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By Selby Evans
Creative commons license, attribution only. This web link is sufficient attribution
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Cast
Empty road. Aesop, Tortoise and Hare appear at some distance and start walking toward the road. Aesop is carrying a stump. T and H lag behind, engaged in vigorous discussion.
-
Hare:
He's going to tell the same old story.
Tortoise:
Boring. But I kinda like it.
H:
Sure you do. You always win
T:
Not always. Sometimes he goes to sleep in the middle of the story.
H:
Yeah, but then nothing happens.
T:
Not much happens when he stays awake.
H:
Let's try to make something happen.
T:
We can't do that. We're just fictional characters.
H:
So is Aesop. By now. How about the confuse-a-cat trick?
T:
He's not a cat. He's a sage.
H:
Confuse-a-sage, then.
T:
Ok, I'm game.
H:
I'm game too, but I don't want to think about that.
Aesop reaches road, places stump, sits. T and H stand in front of him, facing him.
Aesop produces a scroll and starts to read. Old and shaky voice.
Aesop:
A long time ago, in a land far away, there lived a hare named Speedy. And
there was a tortoise named...something.
T:
Slow and Steady.
A:
Oh, yes. Slow and Steady. One day the two of them decided to have a race.
H:
Why did they want to have a race?
A:
Oh, I don't know. Why does anybody decide to have a race?
H:
How should I know? I'm just a rabbit.
T:
You are telling the story Aesop. You are supposed to know these things.
A:
Well, they wanted to have a race so that one of them could win.
H:
But did they want to have the race so that one of them could lose?
A:
No, no. Of course not. Nobody wants to lose.
H:
So only the winner wanted to have the race?
A;
Well-- Maybe so-- No! They both wanted to have the race. You can't have a
race with just one runner!
T:
But why would the loser want to be in the race?
A: (excited) Stop! You are confusing me. Let’s get on with the story. There was a hare
named Speedy. And a tortoise named...
T:
Slow and steady.
A:
And they lined up at the starting line, ready for the race.
-
(A starting line appears. T & H line up on it.)
-
Aesop:
And now the tortoise and the hare are ready for the race.
Hare:
But we're not ready. You just showed us the starting line.
Tortoise:
You didn't show us the finish line.
A: (Confused)
Well, it looks just like the starting line.
T:
How do we tell the difference?
A:
The finish line is down the road a ways.
T:
How do we know when we get there?
A: (Irritated)
Oh, I don't know. It is just the finish line.
H:
If we don't know when we finish, we won't know when to stop.
T:
And I won't know when I've won.
H:
And Aesop has to keep on talking and talking and talking...
A:
Well, the race has to finish sometime.
T:
Not as long as you can keep talking.
H:
Or we could just take any line as the finish line.
T: (Stands on Start line)
Like this line here. It could be the finish line.
H:
And save us a lot of running.
A:
No. You can't be at the finish when you start. That would ruin the story.
T:
Make it a different story.
H:
Make it a short story.
A:
It won't work that way. You would both win.
H:
What's wrong with everybody winning?
T:
I don't mind if everybody wins. Makes a bigger celebration.
A:
But then it won't have a moral. It is a fable. It has got to have a moral.
H:
You mean somebody has to lose to give it a moral?
T:
Can't you have a moral when people win?
A:
This is a moral about winning. But you can' have winner without a loser.
H:
You can't have a winner without a finish line, either.
A: (more irritated)
There is a finish line. It's down the road.
T:
Waaay down the road.
H:
How far?
T:
A looong way.
H:
How will we know when we get there?
T: (Sadly)
We won't.
A:
Yes you will. You'll hear the applause.
- (Hare steps back from the starting line. Steps over it again. Applause.)
- H:
You mean like when we stand on the starting line.
A:
Yes. Only louder.
T:
Is that all we get out of it? A little applause?
A: (Shocked -- to sad at the end.)
Isn't that enough? It used to be enough. Back in my day it used to be enough.
T:
That was then.
H:
This is now. I'm not sure I mind being the loser if all I lose is applause.
T:
And I don't care about winning if all I get is applause.
-
Hare steps back and forth over the starting line, to more applause.
-
H:
All the more reason to make this the finish line
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Tortoise steps across the line. More applause.
-
T:
I think so too.
A:
And now the tortoise and the hare are lined up at the starting line, which is
definitely not the finish line.
H:
Why is it not the finish line?
A:
You can't start a race at the finish line.
T:
Works for me.
H:
And for me.
A:
But it doesn't work for the moral.
H:
You can find a different moral.
A:
Where could I find a different moral?
T:
Where did you find the first one?
A:
I don't know. I don't remember.
T:
Well, where do people usually find morals?
A:
I – I don't know.
H:
And you call yourself a sage? A sage is supposed to know things.
A: (Depressed)
You're confusing me again.
T:
Or maybe you were confused all along and just now noticed it.
A:
Oh I don't know. This sage business is so confusing.
H:
We'll help you. We are ready to race. Just say "GO!"
A:
I don't know. I just don't know. I'm not ready. I can't say "GO!"
T:
Can't say what?
A:
GO!
-
Both T and H start running back and forth over the start line.
-
A:
I can't say—
H and T together:
He said Go! Go! Go!
(Applause builds.)
H:
We won!
T:
We won!
A:
But you didn't win anything.
H:
We won the applause.
T:
You said we would get applause at the finish line.
A:
But there isn't any moral. You can have a fable without a moral.
H:
Sure there's a moral.
-
T and H start back in the direction the came from. A. remains seated.
-
T:
The race is not to the swiftest.
H:
The race is not to the steadiest.
T:
The race is to the ones who know where they are going.
H:
C'mon, Aesop. Time to get back.
A:
I am confused. Where are we going?
T:
Don't worry. We'll show you. We know where we’re going.
H:
Of course, it helps to have an in with the sound effects man.
-
Loud applause.
-
Fade to sunset graphic
END
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Video-Machinima
*****
Self-help--Thinkerer
-
By Selby Evans
Creative commons license, attribution only. This web link is sufficient attribution
-
Cast
- Aesop: Old sage, senile (male voice)
- Tortoise: Slow and steady. But smart. (Low pitched voice)
- Hare: Speedy. Fast and witty (High pitched voice)
Empty road. Aesop, Tortoise and Hare appear at some distance and start walking toward the road. Aesop is carrying a stump. T and H lag behind, engaged in vigorous discussion.
-
Hare:
He's going to tell the same old story.
Tortoise:
Boring. But I kinda like it.
H:
Sure you do. You always win
T:
Not always. Sometimes he goes to sleep in the middle of the story.
H:
Yeah, but then nothing happens.
T:
Not much happens when he stays awake.
H:
Let's try to make something happen.
T:
We can't do that. We're just fictional characters.
H:
So is Aesop. By now. How about the confuse-a-cat trick?
T:
He's not a cat. He's a sage.
H:
Confuse-a-sage, then.
T:
Ok, I'm game.
H:
I'm game too, but I don't want to think about that.
Aesop reaches road, places stump, sits. T and H stand in front of him, facing him.
Aesop produces a scroll and starts to read. Old and shaky voice.
Aesop:
A long time ago, in a land far away, there lived a hare named Speedy. And
there was a tortoise named...something.
T:
Slow and Steady.
A:
Oh, yes. Slow and Steady. One day the two of them decided to have a race.
H:
Why did they want to have a race?
A:
Oh, I don't know. Why does anybody decide to have a race?
H:
How should I know? I'm just a rabbit.
T:
You are telling the story Aesop. You are supposed to know these things.
A:
Well, they wanted to have a race so that one of them could win.
H:
But did they want to have the race so that one of them could lose?
A:
No, no. Of course not. Nobody wants to lose.
H:
So only the winner wanted to have the race?
A;
Well-- Maybe so-- No! They both wanted to have the race. You can't have a
race with just one runner!
T:
But why would the loser want to be in the race?
A: (excited) Stop! You are confusing me. Let’s get on with the story. There was a hare
named Speedy. And a tortoise named...
T:
Slow and steady.
A:
And they lined up at the starting line, ready for the race.
-
(A starting line appears. T & H line up on it.)
-
Aesop:
And now the tortoise and the hare are ready for the race.
Hare:
But we're not ready. You just showed us the starting line.
Tortoise:
You didn't show us the finish line.
A: (Confused)
Well, it looks just like the starting line.
T:
How do we tell the difference?
A:
The finish line is down the road a ways.
T:
How do we know when we get there?
A: (Irritated)
Oh, I don't know. It is just the finish line.
H:
If we don't know when we finish, we won't know when to stop.
T:
And I won't know when I've won.
H:
And Aesop has to keep on talking and talking and talking...
A:
Well, the race has to finish sometime.
T:
Not as long as you can keep talking.
H:
Or we could just take any line as the finish line.
T: (Stands on Start line)
Like this line here. It could be the finish line.
H:
And save us a lot of running.
A:
No. You can't be at the finish when you start. That would ruin the story.
T:
Make it a different story.
H:
Make it a short story.
A:
It won't work that way. You would both win.
H:
What's wrong with everybody winning?
T:
I don't mind if everybody wins. Makes a bigger celebration.
A:
But then it won't have a moral. It is a fable. It has got to have a moral.
H:
You mean somebody has to lose to give it a moral?
T:
Can't you have a moral when people win?
A:
This is a moral about winning. But you can' have winner without a loser.
H:
You can't have a winner without a finish line, either.
A: (more irritated)
There is a finish line. It's down the road.
T:
Waaay down the road.
H:
How far?
T:
A looong way.
H:
How will we know when we get there?
T: (Sadly)
We won't.
A:
Yes you will. You'll hear the applause.
- (Hare steps back from the starting line. Steps over it again. Applause.)
- H:
You mean like when we stand on the starting line.
A:
Yes. Only louder.
T:
Is that all we get out of it? A little applause?
A: (Shocked -- to sad at the end.)
Isn't that enough? It used to be enough. Back in my day it used to be enough.
T:
That was then.
H:
This is now. I'm not sure I mind being the loser if all I lose is applause.
T:
And I don't care about winning if all I get is applause.
-
Hare steps back and forth over the starting line, to more applause.
-
H:
All the more reason to make this the finish line
-
Tortoise steps across the line. More applause.
-
T:
I think so too.
A:
And now the tortoise and the hare are lined up at the starting line, which is
definitely not the finish line.
H:
Why is it not the finish line?
A:
You can't start a race at the finish line.
T:
Works for me.
H:
And for me.
A:
But it doesn't work for the moral.
H:
You can find a different moral.
A:
Where could I find a different moral?
T:
Where did you find the first one?
A:
I don't know. I don't remember.
T:
Well, where do people usually find morals?
A:
I – I don't know.
H:
And you call yourself a sage? A sage is supposed to know things.
A: (Depressed)
You're confusing me again.
T:
Or maybe you were confused all along and just now noticed it.
A:
Oh I don't know. This sage business is so confusing.
H:
We'll help you. We are ready to race. Just say "GO!"
A:
I don't know. I just don't know. I'm not ready. I can't say "GO!"
T:
Can't say what?
A:
GO!
-
Both T and H start running back and forth over the start line.
-
A:
I can't say—
H and T together:
He said Go! Go! Go!
(Applause builds.)
H:
We won!
T:
We won!
A:
But you didn't win anything.
H:
We won the applause.
T:
You said we would get applause at the finish line.
A:
But there isn't any moral. You can have a fable without a moral.
H:
Sure there's a moral.
-
T and H start back in the direction the came from. A. remains seated.
-
T:
The race is not to the swiftest.
H:
The race is not to the steadiest.
T:
The race is to the ones who know where they are going.
H:
C'mon, Aesop. Time to get back.
A:
I am confused. Where are we going?
T:
Don't worry. We'll show you. We know where we’re going.
H:
Of course, it helps to have an in with the sound effects man.
-
Loud applause.
-
Fade to sunset graphic
END
-
-
Video-Machinima
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